Far beyond Stricken
by Akai-neechan
Summary: We are enemies, we are brothers, and we are lovers… But what we share is far beyond hatred, far beyond brotherhood… And even, far beyond love. HaoxYoh Songfic


_A/N: This popped up after listening to the song. Well, at the first version, the roles were kind of reverse__d, but then I was like 'SO cliché!'… So I decided to do something a little bit different! Hao POV! _

_Oh, if you people like it, I might make it into a two-shot, but I'm not sure about it. Tell me if you want another part!_

**Far ****beyond Stricken**

_From the moment this all started, I knew the bond we shared was far beyond what anyone could imagine._

_We are enemies, we are brothers, and we are lovers…_

_But what we share is far beyond hatred, far beyond brotherhood…_

_And even, far beyond love._

_Even after the one thousand years that I have lived, I must admit that for me, this bond is far beyond comprehension._

-----

As a familiar wave of pleasure ran trough me, I collapse next to you on the bed and breathe hard until the blissful moment fades away. It is that time of the night once more, that moment when you are here and when you simply lay next to me, flushed and panting.

I love to see you like this. At these times I feel as if it's heaven. Like, for the first time, my soul has been sent to the best place which one could ask for. As if for now, and for forever, we could just exist like this and never again look back to those moments of mindless fighting.

And then, when you finally regain your strength, you do it again.

You get up from the bed wordlessly and put your clothes on before leaving just as quietly trough the window.

_You walk on like a woman in suffering  
Won't even bother now to tell me why  
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment  
Leaving me broken another time_

I follow you with my eyes, but you don't seem to notice. I make so as to remember your every movement, never wishing to leave it behind.

I don't know when things went this far. I don't know when I started thinking like this. What I know is that it's simply wrong.

I'm powerful, respected, feared even. Some think I'm the strongest shaman out there, I know I'm the strongest, I'm in control.

Yet when I see you coming in every night I feel weak. I don't have the strength to push you away.

And when I see you walking away like this I feel helpless. There's nothing I can do to keep you here.

Because if I sent you away, it would all be gone. Because if I forced you to stay, nothing would be the same.

You would stop coming, you would stop reaching out to me.

Since when did I start caring about that, I wonder?

_You come on like a bloodstained hurricane  
Leave me alone, let me be this time  
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption  
I don't want to mention, the reason I know_

Even now, after you've left for yet another time, I still lay in the bed and let my head fall into the pillow.

I close my eyes and try to imagine you being here with me, laying next to me, giving way into sleep. I try to imagine you resting next to me, completely careless like you always pretend to be, relaxed.

I must admit that in all of my time I have never experienced a need as strong as the one to be next to you. A desire, a longing, so powerful that it overwhelms me, takes over me the moment I see you.

I manage to control it in front of others, but when it's just you and me… You've done something, dear brother, something unforgivable.

You've made me fall in love with you.

_That I am stricken and can't let you go  
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know  
That I am crippled by all that you've done  
Into the abyss will I run_

I give up on trying to feel you next to me. I'm not really someone to lie to myself, I know it well enough and I've come to turns with it. Yet it is our little secret.

Every night like this one, is a secret. Because of your friends, because of my reputation. Neither of us would like this to be brought out into the light – it's an unspoken promise to keep it all to ourselves.

But how long will it last, I wonder?

How long will those desires allow to be masked as simple sibling interest? How long will I be able to fool everybody?

"Not long enough," I say to myself, because you aren't here to hear it.

At that moment I arrive at a decision – the decision that things have to change, because it doesn't happen, everything would go downhill.

I'll do something about it tomorrow night. And this time you won't be able to silence me.

_You don't know what your power has done to me  
I wanna know if I'll heal inside  
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen  
Seeing you laughing another time_

The day passed before I even realized it had started. It's unusual for me to loose track of time. Even after all of my years, I still have a perfect idea of all that goes on around me.

But you seem to change that.

I wonder if you even realize what you're doing, I think you don't.

I feel your presence, so I excuse myself from the table and go for my room. Nobody says a thing, since I do it every night.

When I close the sliding door behind myself, I see you standing next to the window. It is that moment I had set my mind for, but now when I look at you, at those onyx eyes mirroring mine stare at me…

Just like every night.

I unconsciously move trough the room and lock our lips in a light kiss and as you lean into it I loose control.

I hate loosing control, yet somehow you manage to make me. I realize it's too late now, when we're back on the bed and my lips leave your mouth to travel down your jaw line.

_You'll never know how your face has haunted me  
My very soul has to bleed this time  
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses  
Leaving me breathless the reason I know_

You moan as I suck gently on your neck, completely surrendering yourself and titling your head back to give me more access.

It isn't a conscious decision to do this; I know I shouldn't, and that I had decided to stop tonight… But it's hard to stop, when you're actually here.

And I realize I've never gone back on my word until you came along. You've turned me into a person I can hardly recognize.

Yet it doesn't matter at this moment, as I feel you beneath me, as I touch your soft skin, drowning into the music of your soft moans. An overwhelming desire washes trough me again, just like it always does, and no longer want to talk o you.

I don't even remember why I wanted to stop this.

I can't imagine ever trying to push you away.

_That I am stricken and can't let you go  
When the heart is cold there's no hope and we know  
That I am crippled by all that you've done  
Into the abyss will I run  
Into the abyss will I run!_

Your moans turn to screams of pleasure when I enter you, our clothes lost somewhere in the process. Your arms wrapped around me, nails scratching my exposed skin as you move together with me in a lustful dance.

My own fists are balled into the sheets on both sides of you clenching the cloth for dear life, because even at a moment like this, there is still some part of me which thinks of you; which stops me from hurting you unintentionally.

As your screams of pleasure turn louder and more often, you start yelling my name and the sweet sound of it almost takes me over the edge.

It is strange how brilliantly perfect those three simple words sound rolling off of your tongue. It is strange how I feel like it's going to make me go insane if I don't hear it every night.

_You walk on like a woman in suffering  
Wont even bother now to tell me why  
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment  
Leaving me broken another time_

As I speed up the pace once more I come closer to release and a part of me wants to stop now and simply treasure the moment.

I want to forever remain like this, our bodies, minds and our very souls intertwined into each other – so perfect, so right…

So complete.

This is what I've been aiming for from the moment my soul got separated, you know that, right? You've been told of the day of our birth, you've been told everything.

Sometimes I wonder if you chased that completion, as well. Maybe that's why you keep coming every night.

In that one moment my mind is torn from its right to think as a wave of complete and unbelievable pleasure runs trough me and I collapse next to you.

And now we're back where we started.

_You come on like a bloodstained hurricane  
Leave me alone let me be this time  
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption  
Don't wanna mention the reason I know_

I feel like letting it go. I don't want t risk everything, I don't want to change things.

Yet I wonder weather the next time you come you'd find any remains of the me you left behind. It's so strange to feel myself change, and not only that – to know there's nothing I could do to stop it.

It's frustrating to watch you leave every night, to see you go out of my reach.

So I have to change it, and if I don't act, there would never be another chance.

I feel the bed shift as you sit up getting ready to leave and I finally manage to force myself break the pattern.

Instead of simply watching you put your clothes on and leave, my hand reaches out and grabs yours.

You're surprised, I can tell that much easily by looking into your eyes and I feel a little disappointed – can you really not see what I want?

"Stay." I say, my voice just above a whisper…

_That I am stricken and can't let you go  
When the heart is cold there's no hope and we know  
That I am crippled by all that you've done  
Into the abyss will I run  
Into the abyss will I run!  
I can't let you go!  
Yes I am stricken and can't let you go!_


End file.
